I want to have your abortion
her vagine was all disorganized.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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