all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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