you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
