i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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