seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
