am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
