After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize