Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
