Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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