You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
