marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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