if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
