i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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