Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
When did angry sex become our thing?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
