Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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