A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He better not be in your backpack
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
