I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
