absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize