Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
