I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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