you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
