if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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