fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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