Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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