I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
