I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
