If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize