Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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