Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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