If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize