She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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