Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
