Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize