So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
