I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
