i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We have so much sex to catch up on
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
