3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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