I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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