Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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