Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
