He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
