this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
