I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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