his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize