i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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