I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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