My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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