Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
