It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
