if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
