so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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