Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
