ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
