Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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