I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
