Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize