He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize