Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize