I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
