We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
