Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
