At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
