Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
