I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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