If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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